wow sleep is nice.

good morning. 6:13 am here. just a quick post from my phone before i actually start working. It's July 1st which means the year is half over. its been a hell of a year so far. I've split up with the woman I love twice and relapsed after almost 9 years clean. there been a lot of pain, finding her cheating on me, seeing her drift away. watching her make the same mistakes. There has been a lot of pleasure, you would not believe the things i've done to that woman. I've got a lot of them on video. It's hard to watch the videos though. First off they're a reminder of how different she is now. Second I she does not look good when she is that loaded. It conflicts me. On the one hand, it makes me angry to remember just how much she betrayed me. After the first time she got all retarded and cheated on me, she said all sorts of things and made all sorts of promises. she said that her life didn't work without me, She promised that even if she started feeling like she had before she wouldn't act the same. I dont understand how someone can make such a huge change so fast. I dont understand how she can be so stupid, that she doesn't see that there is much more going on than meets the eye. I dont understand how all of her promises can mean nothing. its like she enjoys breaking them. on the other hand. I'm glad shes not getting high anymore. I hope she stays clean, and i hope she actually does well. I dont think she will. I'm gonna be partly to blame when she relapses. hopefully she just stays off the speed. I have to remember the betrayal though. I need to keep that in the center of my mind. When she smiles at me, I have to remember how when she was cheating on me back in march, she was telling me she loved me, and then sneaking away to text him. I've got to remember that she is a two faced lying whore, that will do anything to get what she wants. Not because it makes me angry, it really doesn't anymore. Just because I don't want to buy into her shit ever again.

Once again, this is posted from my phone. I apologize for any gramatical errors. If i get a chance, I'll run through it on my desktop and fix some of the mistakes.