been a few days.

Its been a little while since I wrote anything so I'm about to remedy that. I think the last I wrote was wesnesday when I got some tar. Its funny because earlier that day I texted my wife and told her I officially had no habit which wasn't even remotely true, but hey I'm not too worried about morality. So I got loaded Wednesday night and spent just about my last dollar on the dope. On Thursday that junkie bitch I get my dope from called me and asked for a ride to north county to pick up some dope. I obliged and got a chunk of dope to shoot for my trouble. I got totally wasted on Thursday night. Like can't fucking walk loaded. Then my ex calls me and my loaded ass talks to her for an hour. Then my ex from 15 years ago finds me on facebook, I chatted with her for a few but I was way to fucked at that point to be coherent. She threw me for a loop, I did not expect to hear from her. She was my first real love and the next day I thought I might have been hallucinating. Alas I was not, and while she sounds different on the phone now she is still kinda a cunt. I don't know why I ever loved her lol. I've been dry since Thursday living on cottons and vicodin. I'm now officially out of vicodin and I am not sure what I'm gonna do. I think I'm gonna try to go to sleep when I get off work and sleep through the night. Hopefully I won't be too sick tomorrow. I was pretty bad this morning though. The wife called me last night and asked me if I'm staying clean. I said yes. I don't know why I'm lying. I've largely stopped thinking about her, and I really mean it when I say I don't want her back. At this point I don't think I even want to clean up. The dope is the only thing that makes my life bearable at this point. Maybe if I can find another reason to live. Or alternately if I die. Either way.