well maybe not quite yet.

God, what a worthless fucking whore. That cunt cheated on me. She stood there and took her vows. Then she fucking cheated on me. After we got married we went to the grand canyon. That first night there, we said our own vows. Alone in the wilderness we reaffirmed our commitment to each other. Then she fucking cheated on me. I forgave her. I took her back. Stupid bitch never admitted that what she had done was fucking wrong. I should have fucking known. We talked about what had happened. How she had started feeling. Basically she had gotten bored. There was no excitement left in our life. We didn't do anything fun. She started talking to a guy that gave her that excitement back. Stupid fucking whore. One day I got off work early. I called her and she told me she was going hiking with him. I didn't like it, but I trusted her and handled it well. I went home. Her wedding ring was sitting on the bookshelf. I lost it. I sent her a million texts and called her a million times. She didn't pick up. She didn't reply. Selfish little cunt. That day hiking they had confessed their feeling for each other. He had said that he wanted to kiss her. She had asked him why he didn't. My fucking wife asking another man why he wasn't kissing her. While I'm franticly trying to get a hold of her. Worthless cheating whore. When she got home we talked about it. I believe she was honest. We drove down to Santa Barbara and had dinner. Had a good night. The next day was my birthday. I turned 30. We had a great day. Wonderful sex, bike rides, ice cream. The next day we went to work. She was distant at work, Wouldn't return my texts. Said it was because she was working. She said she loved me. Took her break without me. Texted me once on it. I got off work. I decided I was going to check up on her, check the text message log on our cellphone plan. That day I went from very happy and content, to miserable in no time. The first thing she had done when she woke up that morning was text him. All day at work she had been texting him. Texted him her entire break. She stood there and told me she loved me when she was texting this other man behind my back. Two faced lying slut. I was livid. I drove down to our work, and I grabbed her phone and I read her texts. She talked about moving with him and staying with his brother. He talked about how horny he was. There were obviously texts that had been deleted. The stuff that was there was so bad, and yet there had been texts that were worse that she had deleted. I called him. I asked him to not talk to her for a couple of weeks so I could try to work it out with her. He actually complied. Thats one of the major reasons he is still alive. That night she lied to me more. She texted him a few times, right when she got off work. I asked her, and she said she texted him once. I checked her phone and there was one text on it. her asking him if he was done with her now. Her silly puppy dog love being crushed by her mean husband. I wonder what was in the texts that were deleted. I still don't believe her assertion that nothing physical happened. Filthy lying whore. We tried for the next week. I got more and more stalkerish. That part I shouldn't have done. I should have kicked the cunt to the curb when I first caught her cheating on me. I didn't want to let go though. I didn't want to believe that everything she had ever said, everything she had ever promised had all been bullshit. It was bullshit though. I set us up for marriage counseling. She refused to go, she said there wasn't any point. Thats the annoying part. She is always so convinced that whatever she is feeling at the moment is correct. She is too fucking stupid to think back and say, you know what I really loved him. I might not feel it right now, but if I give it a chance I would probably feel it again. I might not be happy this fucking second, but I can think back and remember that I was. I should work towards that rather than being a selfish cunt and only thinking of my personal happiness this very second. I took that cunt to my house and I fucked the shit out of her. Then I went to marriage counseling alone. The therapist and I had a good talk. I told her about my drug history, she said that the most important thing was that I not get high. I didn't even consider that an option. I wasn't worried about getting high at all. Two days later I told my mom that the wife and I had split up. She called me and said that I should come up to the bay area and visit for the weekend. Right that moment I decided to get high. I went home and packed my shit. I called the wife on the way up and was all cryptic and shit. I wanted her to know I was going to get loaded, but I was conflicted. I wanted to get loaded with her, but I didn't want to hurt her. She caught on, she did not respond as I was hoping. I stopped in San Francisco, at 16th st and mission. tried to buy some cocaine and heroin. fuckers sold me crack instead of powdered coke. There was no heroin there. I went to the tenderloin. I bought some heroin. I fixed for the first time in 8 years 3 months and 9 days in a parking lot somewhere north of oakland. That weekend I told her that I wasn't getting high. I didn't know how she would respond, and I didn't want to tell her when I wasn't there. When I got back I had her come by my house. I told her that I was getting high. I made her suck my dick while I smoked crack for the first time in almost 9 years. I made her watch as I shot up. Then I shot my wife up with heroin for the very first time. We had sex, and laid around and told each other how much we loved each other. I told her to spend the night. She refused. She told me to save some for her for wednesday night. She went home and told her friend that she had just done heroin with me. That next day at work, she had changed again. She said she didn't want to get high. She had gone once again from being the woman I love to a complete cunt in absolutely no time. A week passed. We talked, but she was still a frigid bitch. She didn't want to get high she said. I found some cocaine on the floor at work. I did a speedball for the first time in way too long. I saw her on my way home for lunch. I told her that she should come over that night. I could see that she wanted me again. I could smell the carnal desire on her. I could tell that I was having that effect on her that I used to have. I did all the cocaine when I got off work anyways. I went out searching for cocaine so I could have some for her when she got off work. I tried in vain to find some. Turned down a lot of speed. That night when she got off work she called me, she said she didn't want to get high. She told me that she had been horny the previous day, and had wanted to call me. she had been too stoned though. I told her I didn't have any drugs, and asked her to come over anyway. I wanted to talk. I honestly don't know what I wanted to talk about or what I expected to accomplish. I still had not accepted what a worthless whore she is. I knew back then how stupid she was being. How she was doing what I described earlier, lost in the illusion of her present selfishness. I know that is what is still going on. Now I just don't ever expect her to get better. She came over and we talked. She was horny. I was having that effect on her. I started to put the moves on her. She told me she couldn't. She didn't say she didn't want to. I would have known that for a lie anyways. I can read her desire. She said she couldn't. I asked her why not. She said she had promised him she wouldn't sleep with me anymore. I asked her why the fuck she had said she needed to be single and had then run off and gotten into a new relationship within a couple of weeks. She said she wasn't in a relationship. Which is stupid, because if your'e promising someone you wont have sex with other people, you are most certainly in a relationship. Apparently she had only promised to not have sex with me. That doesn't remove anything from the previous statement though, because who the fuck else was she going to have sex with? I explained this, and she said she still couldn't. She was going to hang out with him that night. I guess she didn't want my come slurping out over his dick. That is kinda gross. I raped her. I raped her, and she loved it. I asked her if she wanted me to stop, and she said no. She begged me to keep fucking her. I complied. She asked me to hit her. I complied. I beat her and fucked her, and got her off four or five times. She begged me to come in her. I complied. Afterward she got dressed and left. I texted her and got no response. I called her and she told me that her friend, that she had confessed the heroin use to, had told her dad, who had then told my wifes parents. My wife played the victim that night to her parents. Her face was a little swollen from the rough sex. She said that I had raped her and hit her. She described the one time I had gotten her high up to that point. She told them that she was crying, and asking me not to do it, telling me she was scared. Probably described me holding her down and forcing her against her will to get high. She left out entirely the part about her loving the sex. begging me for more. Begging me to hit her. She left out entirely the fact that she had been shooting speed with her ex, before her and I ever got together. that the heroin night had not in fact been her first relapse. I had not taken 6 years of sobriety, I had taken 7 months. 7 months that I had helped her get, by physically preventing her from getting high. I was there that night I shot her for the first time. She wasn't crying when we did it. She had been crying earlier. When I was smoking crack. She offered her arm, and I tied it off. She said she was scared. I told her it would be okay. She asked me to tell her I loved her. I told her I loved her, and then I shot her up. The next day, her father called me and told me he would make my life very difficult if I ever talked to her again. Her best friend, the one that had spilled the beans. Texted me threatening me. I texted back, and tried to explain what had happened. It took me a while, but I finally figured out that they not only thought I had forced her to get high, but that I was also an abusive woman beating rapist. I was okay being called a worthless junkie. I am not abusive though. I have gotten rough with my wife, only in bed, and only because she specifically asked me to. I enjoy it only because she enjoys it. I have tested this out. I decided that she was too much trouble, I decided that it had gotten to the point where I didn't want to go any further down that road. I was not willing to have people think those terrible things of me. If that meant we didn't ever see each other again, I was okay with it. That weekend, on Friday, She called me up. She had left some shoes at my house and needed them. I told her I didn't want to see her. I put her shoes on the front porch and went back to bed. She called when she got here and asked if I wanted to go have a cigarette with her. I went out front and we smoked. We smoked and talked. I had three days clean at that point. I could tell once again that she wanted me. I knew that, that meant she had gotten physical with her new boyfriend, and that he had not measured up to my standards. I teased her a little bit, but didn't give her anything. I went inside and went to bed. The next day on saturday, I drove to the bay and bought some dope. On sunday, she again called me. Said she had left her hairspray at my house. I put it on the front porch, and started cooking up a shot for myself. She called me again, so I went out and smoked with her. I confessed that I had not been a good boy. Her desire exploded. She came inside with me and we made plans to get high that night. We had to go to a company meeting first. We went to the meeting, and I texted her, about our little secret. She didn't really respond. After the meeting I texted her and she didn't respond. I called and she didn't pick up. Finally she texted me to tell me she was at her boyfriends house. She had apparently made plans to spend the night before she ever came over to my house. She said she was going to take a shower and go to bed. That night my wife slept next to her boyfriend and I got high. The next night I think it was she spent the night. We got high and fucked. I ran out of dope. Two days later Is when we took those pictures of her covered in blood. We weren't even on drugs. We were both just high on our lust for each other. We started getting more dope. She spent every night with me. She started wearing her ring again. We got back together and decided to try to make it work. She promised that she would never do anything like that again. She promised that she wouldn't give up on me again. She promised that if she started feeling different she would realize it was temporary. She re dedicated herself to me, and I accepted her back. I had always been dedicated to her. We started going to couples therapy. We got better at communicating. Our relationship was healthy. She started to get weird about the heroin. She said I was doing too much. I did less and gave her more. She continued to get weird about it. suddenly out of the blue she decided that she didn't want to get high anymore. We fought over it. We quit getting high. I went to the city in an attempt to buy dope but not do it. I wanted to sell it and make some money. I needed money to pay for her ring. The one I already had, and one she wanted me to get her. I also was already planning on moving. I needed money for that. We got high for a couple of days. We went to therapy and she decided that now she was going to leave me if I didn't stop. We flushed the rest of our dope down the toilet. I got some percocett to keep us well til the weekend. We quit. She stopped communicating. A week went by. She decided that she wanted to move back out of my house. To spend 3 or 4 nights a week away from me. To give her her space and her own identity. To make our time together better. She moved her things out. She stopped communicating. I had been reading her texts almost nightly the entire time we were back together. Her messages changed from we are going to therapy, and trying to work it out, to when we break up I need to be single. She had already decided we were through. Once again the dumb bitch had gotten lost in her immediate desire. Rather than 3 night away. She spent a week away. When she finally did spend the night, we had terrible sex, but fun playing video games, and watching tv. That night I checked her text messages like I had been. She had started talking to her boy toy again. Telling him that she knew she had messed up with him, and he would never take her back. That she needed to be single when she broke up with me. Filthy cheating whore. I had been reading her text messages most of the time that we were back together. She had a couple of issues. She liked to flirt with a guy named Jacob. And she liked to flirt with an ex of hers. She refused to do the right thing with either of them. Although she was good talking to Jacob most of the time. She would meet up with her ex downtown, and give his drunk ass rides home, while he told her how much he loved her. Stupid bitch. She had texted the boy toy about a week after we were back together telling him she loved him, and that she was sorry, and that maybe one day the time would be right for them, and they could finally be together. Stupid fucking whore. She did all this while promising me she would be faithful. She did all this after promising me she wouldn't be so stupid the next time she got a stupid urge, or started feeling a different way. The lying fucking whore promised me she wouldn't give up on me again. Less than a week after she moved out she was already texting ex lovers talking about what she would do after she broke up with me. Worthless Worthless Worthless, lying cunt. The one bright spot in all this is that while we were together, I fucked the shit out of her. I shoved vibrators in her pussy while I fucked her in the ass. I whipped her and fingered her and video taped all of that. I have multiple copies, backed up in safe places of her being the biggest whore imaginable. I have video of her telling me she wants me to run a train on her, while I fuck her in the ass. Video of myself slapping her face with my dick repeatedly. I could go on, but you get the picture. I probably have 4 hours of video total. I've threatened her with releasing it, but I wouldn't do that. I still love the bitch. I wouldn't ever do that to her. She knows I wouldn't. I wrote all this down because on thursday we started talking again. She says she is still super anti libido girl (whore is probably fucking someone else by now). She also says she is tempted to get high with me, but that she doesn't want to. I spent thursday night wanting her. I spent friday writing in my blog, thinking more about what she would think about what I wrote than about what I thought about it. Hoping that she would give me the response I wanted. I wrote everything that I just wrote to remind myself what a worthless whore she is. To remind myself that I want nothing to do with her. To remind myself, what she would do to me if I gave her the chance again. She would lie and cheat, and break my heart again. Thats what she is a lying cheating worthless whore.