Better now.

I had to settle for Dilaudid, but at least I'm high.

When I left work today, the wife was out front smoking. I couldn't help myself and I texted her. If you recall yesterday I sent her a picture of where I gave her, her ring, and she responded where is that. Today I said "you really don't recognize it?" She responded something on the order of "the picture is small, and I don't remember any bench in the sand." So I said "It's not sand, it's on top of a hill. Well played. I'm sorry I broke down and sent it to you." Then I texted, "recognize it now?" I never got a response. At about 5PM I called her to tell her that seeing her, had fucked my head and now I had to get high. I just wanted her to know, that I had been doing ok, and now I had to stab myself. She picked up the phone, and said "I'm at work, what do you want?". I said nevermind and hung up. She sent me a text saying "are you ok?" I replied "when was the last time I was ok? I thought better of what I was going to say." That is the extent of my communication with her in the last 2 days.

I am so fucking angry with her. I just can't get over it. I was doing fine all day, and then I just couldn't cope with it anymore. Now I feel fine, I don't really care about the whole being married to a slut thing.

I don't understand how she can live with herself. I keep remembering promises that shes broken. I don't understand how anything can be worth being that bad of a person.

I have wanted to call her all day, and tell her how much I hate her. Tell her how much shes hurt me. Tell her how I have to kill myself a little bit, just to cope with what she did to me. I'm sick of shooting dilaudid, but I just can't look at her. I don't know how much longer I can stay in this town.