I don't know what to think./ now longer with unrelated shit

Ha ha ha. So it looks like the google ads that are added to my blog are all for recovery centers. That is fucking hilarious.

I would like to take this time to thank Jesus. Jesus saw fit to make sure that there was enough dope left in my cottons for me to not only get well, but get a bit of a rush as well. I am very thankful to Jesus for this.

I'm not sure I'm ready to quit the smack. Last night was rough on me. I start thinking about the wife, and I forget all the terrible shit. I don't know how I'm gonna do sober. I'm worried.

Oh and I couldn't add a post for some reason so everything above this was edited onto this post. Everything below this is the original post.


So I'm sitting here, waiting for this deal to hopefully go down. I'm not sure its gonna happen. I don't know that I'm really all that upset about that. No heroin means no temptation to call the wife. That is a definite plus. I was just sitting here thinking about our honeymoon. How does something go from that to this? How does a person allow themselves to change that much? I need to make sure I don't lose sight of what a selfish little bitch she is. Regardless of how much fun it might be to fuck her. How could someone break that many promises? I really don't understand how she lives with herself, let alone feels good about what she is doing. If you have to be such a terrible person to get what you think you need, is it really worth it? Then she goes and worries about the stupid things. She feels guilty, not for what she did to me, but because I'm getting high. How stupid is that?

Whatever, I guess I'm gonna see if I can get anything out of my cottons. I took a nap today. It was amazing. My tooth is definitely getting infected again. I don't know If I can make it til monday to get it ripped out. I don't know what I'm going to do until then. I was hoping to have some nice black tar to get me through the weekend. I don't know what I will do if that doesn't come through. Fuck it.