really want to know.

I could really handle hearing from the wife to see if she still wants me to call her. I could go off of the last thing she told me, which was that she wanted to be called, but its been more than 10 minutes which means that she has completely changed her entire belief system, and the new one is obviously the only way to view anything. It would be silly to believe the same thing every day. I'm guessing she doesn't really know what she wants. I want to shoot her up, and fuck her. I want to penetrate her viens, and then abuse her. I want to come in her one last time. I don't want to feel guilty about it though. I think that's what I really want from her. I wouldn't feel guilty about the sex at all. Id really even enjoy, just having sex with her, without the dope. I know she's not in a place to enjoy herself in my bed unless she's high though. I want to make sure she enjoys it. It'll probably be the last time I ever get to be inside her. So that's where I am conflicted. I want to do things that are bad for her, but I still care very deeply for her. I want what's best for her. This is just shitty. I'm not sure what to do. You could always shoot me a text and tell me what you want.