It's 4AM. I have to wake up at 5:30AM. I have to fall asleep first. So yesterday I decided not to go on an exploratory trip south in the great search for dope. So I just got some dilaudid instead. Then I did a bunch of it. I was pretty wasted for awhile. I'm still kinda high, cause I did my last shot about an hour and a half ago. I have been playing with youtube. I had never really made an account before, so I didn't know half of the stuff you could do. I love watching documentaries. One of my favorite websites is cosmolearning.com. Its a huge repository of educational material on all sorts of subjects. They have lectures, pictures, courses, documents, documentaries, and other videos. The documentaries are generally links to online streaming sites. Since there is a time limit on youtube videos, there a couple of different options when it comes to posting these documentaries. Some people post them as one long video, either to google video or some chinese web sites. The google video ones are fine, but the chinese websites are a pain in the ass. First of all some of them have limited viewings so you can watch a couple videos on their site, then they want you to pay them. second they are slow. It's not uncommon to have the video stop every 30 seconds to download more. The other option is to break the video up into 10 minute sections and post them on youtube. Up until tonight I prefered the first method, even the chinese sites. I did not like having to select a new video every 10 minutes. Tonight I created a youtube account and started creating playlists. I have all of these documentaries I haven't seen, because they were too much of a pain in the ass. Now I get to create playlists and watch them. I'm excited.

It was a good day even before I got the dope. I've been in good spirits all day. I think I'm finally starting to get over the bitch. I really don't want her anymore. Now yes, I am lonely. I would like some companionship with just about anybody. There are things I specifically miss about her, but its not the crazy longing that it was. I'm not really angry anymore. Unlike previous times I haven't been angry though. This time I still see how fucked up what she did to me was. Before when I wasn't angry I was still hung up on her. I had a good day at work. I'm getting myself motivated again. I've decided that I will not be a doormat for her, and if she continues to be disrespectful of me. I am prepared to disrespect her back. I am nodding off (really think I'm just falling asleep) so I am going to go. I don't really remember why I started this post hopefully I did whatever it was I meant to. I'll look it over in the morning.