I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I spent most of this morning telling her, how disgusted I am with her, and how shes the reason I have to stab myself with syringes ten times a day. It may all be true, but telling her this doesn't help anything. It doesn't make me feel better. I was so angry all morning, I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel my pain. Then I started talking to an old dear friend. One of the only ones I have left. She helped calm me down enough to where I could apologize. That didn't last long though. The hate I feel for her grew upon me once again. This time I managed not to let her know that though. I'm not exactly sure if that is for the best though. I think it may be good for her to know what a worthless selfish cunt I think she is.
I'm waiting for word back on a job interview I went to on Friday. I really want this job, and though I don't think I'll get it. I am supposed to hear a definite answer today. I think if I got this job, I might just be able to get off the shit and actually have a reason to like myself again. Every hour that I don't hear that no is torture.
Oh and in case you couldn't guess. I'm out of dope. I did it all on the way home yesterday. I don't know if I mentioned that last night. I'm too lazy to check. I've got cash though. One way or another I'm getting loaded tonight.
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